Letters To You
by brokenpens
Summary: When you wake up, you’ll feel bitter. You’ll have read this, and you’ll feel bitter just like coffee. It’ll be my fault, and I’m sorry.


Disclaimer: I don't these characters. Someone else's bright mind came up with them. Drat.

A/N: Okay, so I've been toying around with this little number for a long time but never got around to typing it out. I got the idea from a song, but I don't really think it's a songfic. The song was just inspiration. But I'll put the song in here just so you know where the lovely little story came from. The song is called Letters to you by Finch. It's a good one, if you haven't heard it, do right now! Right this minute! It's that good, I swear. (Grins) So anyways, I hope you enjoy my latest installment.

* * *

_Can't you see that I wanna be  
there with open arms  
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone  
Get me through this one  
Do you notice I'm gone...?  
Where do you run to so far away...?_

**((Letters To You))**

Dear Love,

I can't help but feel my heart break while watching your eyes flutter in your dreams. Are you thinking about me? I used to wonder that when I watched you every night. Your chest would rise and fall with every beautiful breath you took. I used to want to be the air in your lungs. I used to want to know I was the reason you lived to wake up in the morning. The reason your eyes were filled with so much life, the reason your heart would beat. But now I know, it was never that way.

You miss him. I can see it when you think I'm not watching. You'll sigh and look off into the distance. You get this far away daze in your eyes and I feel like you're no longer next to me, but next to him. I try to touch you, but when my fingers make contact, it's like I'm touching your ghost. Was I? Were you always so afraid to admit you weren't there? You were never there. I hated knowing it was true.

I tried holding your hand when we walked together. My palm against yours, I felt like I was keeping you on track. But you would always stumble and let go, and then never reach out to grab me back. You would keep walking in front of me, leaving me to only watch your back. I don't think you noticed you did that, so I don't blame you.

I loved the way you smiled. You made anyone you smiling at feel like a God. Even if the smile was for someone else. You would smile at me, flash me those perfect teeth your parents worked so hard on, and I would melt. But I knew that smile was an illusion, a clone of what your _real_ smile looks like. I don't think I've ever seen your truly smile since he left. At least, not when I was around.

You had this way of always looking deeper into things. You told me once that everything has deeper layers, layers just waiting to be peeled back. Your eyes would sparkle just talking about the layers in things. It made me want to look closer at the little things around me. That's when I noticed he was always there inside of you, no matter how many times you said it was over. It was never over, was it? Deep inside of you, hidden under layer after layer, you kept a piece of him with you. You disguised it so well, that no one could see. But I saw. I saw him looking right back at me whenever I looked into your eyes. It was never over.

You cried a lot, didn't you? But you would never tell me. You said you were so happy where your life is taking you, that tears were a thing of the past. But sometimes, the past has a way of sneaking up on us and treading into our presents. And even our futures. I remember coming home late on night, I was going to surprise you with yellow tulips. They're your favorite, right? Anyways, I put a silencing charm to hide my footsteps and I could hear you crying. I saw the tears, I listened to every sob and I could feel you tremble from where I stood in the shadows. He came back to you every night, didn't he? Whenever I left, he came back to you. You were alone to deal with his memories. I'm sorry I ever left you alone, but I had no choice. You never let me see him, he hid him away from me, pretending he wasn't there anymore. But he came back to you, in your dreams, in your thoughts, in your tears. The past has a way of sneaking up on us.

We never talked much in private, did we? You would hide behind the pages of your books and I would just watch you read. You liked it that way. You got to escape into your books and I only watched. I watched you escape from me and I didn't do a thing about it. I used to think about what you and him were like alone. Did you hide behind the thick covers of your emotionless books? I always thought books were cold, but you demanded that I was just too lazy to see past the words. What's past the words? What is it that I'm missing? You never told me, you never explained was rested inside the pages of your books. You never once convinced me books were just as real as humans. Did you ever tell him? Did you let him go with you when you ran away inside the pages? Or did you shut him out like an unwanted story? Did you shut him out like you shut me out?

You liked your coffee. I didn't like the taste, I thought it was bitter. You said bitter was the best way to help you wake up. I didn't understand that. You said I shouldn't bother understanding, that it was useless anyways. I didn't believe that. It wasn't until now did I truly get the meaning of what you said. You were trying to tell me something, and I just thought you were talking about a drink. I understand now why you couldn't stand explaining things, I never listened. I only wanted to believe the simple, while you dived down to the complicated depths of things. You liked complications, always. When we were younger, you sought challenges like a hungry dog. You weren't satisfied till you conquered what you set out to do. You forced yourself to win. And when I think of coffee now, I think of him. That's what you meant. It took something as bitter as _him_ to wake you up. But you never told me what you found when you finally did wake up.

I held you close, and you said it was suffocating. You would laugh and say I was trying to squeeze the life out of you, but I wasn't. I was trying to squeeze him out of you. He was always there with us, hanging silently above our heads. No one ever said his name, no one ever mentioned that God awful name. It was for you, that we kept silent. Our lips were forbidden to utter the two words that would make you shiver like nothing else. Two words was all it took to crumble such a strong woman like you. Two words, and you were on your knees. How is it that came to be? You were always so strong to me. But a mere name came destroy all the layers you built up. A mere name was all it took to bring his left over pain to the surface. Two words, and you were a mess.

It was like talking to a robot sometimes. You responded to my questions like a recording, and I hated every moment of it. Your mind was always somewhere else. You never focused on me, even when our eyes met, you were looking somewhere else. I wonder, did you ever really see me? I found you that night, broken and destroyed by him. You were left alone, alone with tears and pain. I tried to fix you, but you refused to admit you even needed it. You said it was best he left the way he did, but I think you were trying to convince yourself more than me. I didn't need reminding of who he was, you did. But you liked complications, always. And he sure was complicated.

You always looked so happy with him. I hated that smile you wore when you met eyes with him. You would cuddle up to him and let him hold you close. I never trusted him, but you said I was just bitter. Funny you said that, bitter was always your favorite thing. Bitter drinks, bitter love. I think you've become so used to bitterness that you don't remember what real love felt like. Everyone was against you and him. No one wanted you two together, and I think you two got lost inside of that. That's why he left. No one respected him anymore and he always liked that high throne people put him on. But you knocked him off and pushed him straight in the mud, and he couldn't handle getting dirty. He was weak, and you needed someone strong. You were strong, but you couldn't be strong for the both of you. That's why he left you. He couldn't handle the bitterness of what your love brought him.

After that, you wouldn't look me in the eyes. I was right, and you hated being wrong. You would laugh and say I was a fortune teller, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh with you. I truly wanted you happy, and that's what he gave you. And when he took everything he ever gave, you were left with nothing but a memory of what it felt like. A memory of that happiness. He hurt you, he shouldn't have been trusted. You were wrong, and I hated being right.

You slowly changed. You didn't want to be around large crowds and tried to say you were just tried. You worked more often, trying to give you mind other things to think about then him. And when you didn't work, you would read. I know why you read so much when you were alone. It wasn't the love of books anymore, was it? You wanted something else to think about then him. You were trying to hide him inside your books, like you hid him inside of you. But books are different then people. Books have endings, people don't. People have emotions that refuse to let us just end, let the pages just stop. Emotions is what drives us to start new chapters. But you tried so hard to be like a book. That's what you were doing all along. You were trying to end it. But it never did. It was never over.

When you came to me, I thought you were joking. Could she really want me? Are my feelings being returned? At first, I was just too happy to care if it were true. I just wanted to feel you next to me, to see you with me, to hear you say my name like you said his. I wanted to be him. I wanted you to smile at me like I watched you smile at him. I wanted you to scoot closer to me and make me hold you like you were afraid to be separated. But it never happened. I kept waiting and waiting, thinking time was all it took. But time never was all it took. They say time heals all wounds, but you're proof it doesn't. Time only makes wounds soft, like scars. Some scars are easy to see and still deep, while others are faded and barely there. You always did scar easily.

You look small right now, curled up in a tiny ball. You look scared and restless, even in sleep. I don't want to be writing this, I want everything to be okay. I don't want a reason to be up this late, my mind swirling with thoughts. I want to be next to you, safely dreaming of you. But dreaming won't fix what happened. Only you can fix what you've done to yourself, what you let him do to you.

Hermione Granger, you will always be in my heart. But I can't hold you knowing you're in his arms, I can't look at you knowing you're looking at him, I can't sleep with you knowing your dreams are taking you to him. I can't stay with you while Draco Malfoy's ghost still inside of you.

When you wake up, you'll feel bitter. You'll have read this, and you'll feel bitter just like coffee. Wake up, and see what's happening to you. Bitter is always the best way to wake up.

With more love than you know,

Ron Weasley

**((Letters to You))**

_I'm writing again  
These letters to you aren't much I know  
But I'm not sleeping and, you're not here  
The thought stops my heart  
Do you notice I'm gone...?  
Where do you run to so far away...?_

_

* * *

_

A/N: Well, that's over. Hehe. I was thinking about writing this as a series of back and forth letters between Hermione, Draco, and Ron. What do you think? Or should I leave this as just a oneshot? I also wanted to explain a few things to you if you didn't understand. The reason Draco left Hermione was because everyone thought less of him for dating her because she's a mudblood. Stupid reason, stupid Malfoy. But anyways, he left her because he didn't want to be put to shame by the other purebloods. Also, Hermione in this story is a little out of character because I'm sure the real Hermione wouldn't be so ... bitchy to Ron. Maybe? Who knows? It's my story anyways! She'll be a bitch if I make her a bitch. Wow... this a long author's note.. better end it here before I get carried away.

**_-- Brokenpens_**


End file.
